Thirteen "Ig Nobel Prizes" for Ridiculous Research, Bad Taste or Whatever

The Ig Nobel Prizes are awarded every year by the humor magazine, Annals of Improbable Research. Presented by former Nobel laureates, 10 such prizes are given each October at Harvard University. The subject matter for the prizes can include anything from levitating frogs to revealing the oddities of quantum physics. The following is a list of 13 award winners.

The source material for this list is Marc Abraham’s book, The Ig Nobel Prizes.

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Does Elevator Music Fight Colds?

Carl J. Charnetki, Francis X. Brennan, Jr. of Wilkes University and James F. Harrison of Muzak Ltd. in Seattle, Washington tested four groups of people to see if listening to elevator music boosted their immune system, thereby helping fight off the common cold and other maladies. One group of people listened to a 30-minute tape of smooth jazz; another listened to a “radio” playing the same music; another listened to simple tones and clicking sounds, while another listened to nothing but a half an hour of silence. Afterwards, the people of each group had their saliva tested for the presence of immunoglobulin A, a hormone which helps fight disease. The results showed that the group listening to the tape of cool jazz, aka elevator music, had the largest amount of immunoglobulin A in their system, and therefore had a better chance of fighting off disease.

Maybe they also started to dig Kenny G!

Is Incompetence Bliss?

David Dunning of Cornell University and Justin Kruger of the University of Illinois tested people to ascertain their level of incompetence. Assuming that everyone is incompetent one way or another, one test judged people’s ability to recognize funny jokes, and another contained logic questions from law-school exams. Dunning and Kruger concluded that incompetent people dramatically overestimate their ability, and that they are not good at recognizing incompetence, their own or anyone else’s.

Hey, what about the incompetence of Dunning and Kruger?

Enron’s imaginary numbers

Numerous companies including Enron, the famous – or infamous - energy company, were given the economics prize for using what are called imaginary numbers in their financial statements. In 2001, Enron announced that $591 million of its income was imaginary. Adelphia, a cable television company, announced in 2002 that $1.6 billion of its finances was imaginary. Merrill Lynch, a stockbrokerage company, announced in 2002 that it would shell out $100 million in fines because many of its financial numbers were imaginary.

And we thought imaginary numbers were only used in mathematics!

Stalin World

Viliumas Malinauskas was given a prize for being so bored he constructed the Grutas Sculpture Park, commonly known as Stalin World. Using more than 60 gigantic bronze and granite statues of Lenin, Stalin and other heroes of the old Soviet Union, Malinauskas built the park in Grutas, Lithuania. Assuming such a thing is possible, the park combines the whimsy of Disneyland with the worst of the Soviet Gulag Archipelago. Appropriately, the park opened on April Fools Day, 2001. Park amenities include wooden walkways, numerous trees, a play area for the kiddies, a petting zoo, a café and souvenir shop.

What, no torture chamber?

I Can’t Stop Loving You!

Donatella Marazziti, Alessandra Rossi and Giovanni B. Cassano of the University of Pisa, and Hagop S. Akiskal of the University of California at San Diego won an award for their discovery that there is a biological connection between being in love and the well-known obsessive compulsive disorder. These researchers proved that each state of being shows a similar amount of the serotonin (5-HT) transporter taken in blood samples. Be that as it may, serotonin (5-HT) is also involved in regulating all sorts of behavior: appetite, sleep, arousal and depression.

Does this mean people in both states are essentially “lovesick”?

Is Bigfoot Big All Over?

Jerald Bain of Mt.Sinai Hospital in Toronto and Kerry Siminoski of the University of Alberta tried to prove that a man’s penis size can be estimated from both his height and foot size. Simply put: a large man would have a large you know. Bain and Siminoski measured the body parts of 63 men and discovered there was no apparent correlation between penis size and a man’s height and foot size. However, Bain pointed out, there is an overall predictability involving the sizes of the aforementioned body parts. In general, big people are big all over.

My foot!

Don’t Butter My Toast!

Robert Matthews of Aston University, England won a prize for trying to prove that toast always falls on its buttered side. Matthews’ started with the assumption that buttering a piece of toast changes the mass on that side of the toast, creating an asymmetry that affects the way it falls through space. But this assumption proved to be false, because the change in mass is negligible. Matthews also invoked Murphy’s Law, stating that if something can screw up, it will eventually, thus falling toast would – more times than not - fall on its buttered side. Finally, Matthews conducted an experiment, having 1,000 schoolchildren perform over 21,000 drops of buttered toast, and 62 per cent landed with the buttered side down.

Perhaps nature abhors an “unbuttered” floor.

Can Frogs Fly?

Andre Geim of the University of Nijmegen, the Netherlands and Sir Michael Berry of Bristol University, England won a prize for magnetizing a frog and then levitating it. According to the theory of “induced diamagnetism,” just about anything that can be magnetized can also be levitated by using a powerful electromagnet. This was accomplished because the electromagnet induced a flow of electrons in the frog – without killing it. Michael Berry said the same process would work with humans and that he would volunteer to be the first to try it.

Now if we could just levitate all the politicians to the moon!

Who’s Going to Blazes?

The Southern Baptist Church of Alabama won a prize for mathematically measuring morality county by county so an estimate could be made for the number of people going to hell in any particular county. This estimate was going to be used as a practical tool, telling the church where to concentrate its evangelical efforts and where to . . . forget about it. Using information gathered from a 1990 survey, this data was entered into their secret formula, producing a kind of “evangelical index.” The results showed that more than 1.86 million people in Alabama or 46.1 per cent of the state’s population will be damned to hell if not saved by evangelical intervention. Interestingly, this "damnation" formula can be applied to any county in the U.S.

Hey, what about the people going to Hades?

Stop the Gas Attack!

Buck Weimer of Pueblo, Colorado won a prize for inventing Under-Ease, a pair of air-tight underwear with a replaceable charcoal filter used for blocking the release of odorous emanations. An exit hole in the underpants allows only odorless gases such as methane to be released. The company that makes Under-Ease has a motto: “Wear them for the ones you love.” Amusingly, when Weimer showed up at Harvard University to accept his Ig Noble Prize, he recited a jingle for Under-Ease. Sang to the tune of John Lennon’s “Imagine,” it went thusly: Imagine the odorless sound – I wonder if you can. No need for divorce or separation. Free from shame and guilt. Imagine all the people sharing Under-Ease.

Don't you wish everyone in the world wore Under-Ease?

World’s Fastest Barbecue Grill Lighter

George Goble of Purdue University won a prize for igniting a pile of barbecue briquettes about as fast as possible – three seconds. Goble’s procedure goes like this: Onto a pile of charcoal, he throws a lit cigarette and then he douses the cig with three gallons of liquid oxygen. Poof! The resultant fire burns white hot like the sun, allowing grilling in as little as 30 seconds. With safety always in mind, Goble uses an eight-foot-long wooden pole to pour on the liquid oxygen.

Hey, doesn’t Goble know gasoline works just as well?

Who Needs to Eat?

Jasmuheen (formerly Ellen Greve) of Australia, first lady of “Breatharianism” won a prize for writing the book, Living on Light, which proposes the possibility that nobody really needs to eat. In the book, Jasmuheen explains that people who practice Breatharianism can absorb all the nutrients they need by utilizing the universal life force or chi energy. Jasmuheen says she does eat, though, but only vegetarian and only to help her sleep. To test Jasmuheen, the people at 60 Minutes locked her in a hotel room for seven days until she looked so bad they had to let her out.

You'd think Jasmuheen had a hankering for a karma burger!

The Sultan of Spam

Sanford Wallace, president of Cyber Promotions of Philadelphia, won a prize for attempting to deliver junk email to everyone in the world. People paid Cyber Promotions to send electronic junk mail for them. At one point, Wallace claimed to be sending out 15 to 20 million pieces of spam per day. (This was done in the late 1990s, before spam-blocking software was developed, of course.) Wallace so loved to send out spam that he wanted people to call him “Spamford Wallace.” But, eventually, Wallace abandoned Cyber Promotions and vowed to never spam again.

Now Wallace only "eats" spam.

Afterword

Many recipients of the Ig Nobel Prizes never show up at Sanders Theatre in Harvard University to claim their awards, much less give a speech or recite a poem. But some people, scientists too, may do just about anything for a laugh - even laugh at themselves.

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