DNA Dating: Is Smelling Believing?

Since the late 1990s, when virtually everybody began using PCs, laptops and the Internet, computer dating has become big business. Using Web sites such as Yahoo, Excite, Craig’s List or numerous others, lonely singles can place their own ads and make their own connections. Originally, all of these services were free, but now many of them cost money. That’s capitalism, right?

Now well into the twenty-first century businesspeople have devised something called DNA Dating. All you have to do is swab the inside of your cheek and send the kit to these enterprising folks. Then they’ll use other important factors such as a one’s personal preferences, background data, photos – naturally – and a background check (these days, it’s pretty hard to escape the ol’ background check, isn’t it?), and with any luck you’ll score a hottie within days.

Proponents of DNA Dating assert that finding one’s true love is as easy as testing one’s genetic code and then looking for dissimilarities in a potential mate’s corresponding stuff. Difference is good, they insist. Of course, everybody knows that in the scientific world, particularly when referring to electricity, opposites attract, though naturally in the social world that is not always the case. Alas, skid row rakes probably have little chance of dating Disney Divas.

The gist of this service is that couples with a dissimilar genetic makeup in their immune systems are considered more compatible than those with similar genes. After all, brothers and sisters, who of course share many genes, aren’t supposed to be attracted to each other, preventing incest whenever possible, which is naturally a good thing. Moreover, people with dissimilar genes supposedly prefer each other’s body scent or odor, thus improving the chances for compatibility and romance.

Hey, I’ve known for some time that one’s “smell” is important in determining compatibility in manners of sex and romance. Doesn’t anybody who’s dated a few times know the same thing? What I don’t know is how many women would like my smell? Thousands? Millions? Billions? Most of them? Since I’m Caucasian, wouldn’t my genes be dissimilar to that of just about every woman in, say, China? If that were the case, then DNA Dating would seem to have as much value as a truckload of junk mail - when more definitely ain’t better!

Another thing I find curious is that many people who find mates - whether they’re straight or gay - seem to choose people who look like themselves. Have you ever noticed this? Assuming this is something we tend to do, it seems we should probably look for someone who resembles us - but has different DNA. How confusing!

Enthusiasts of this service also claim that couples with dissimilar genes would have healthier children, better sex, as well as little tendency to stray from the connubial bed. Better sex? Less adultery? How can they possibly know such things based on one’s genetic code?

The answer is that nobody knows for sure if this procedure works. If you don’t think I’m right, ask the experts, that is, scientists and doctors, not Oprah or Jon Stewart.

Moreover, this procedure generates one’s own nine-digit DNA Dating number, which one can then list on MySpace.com or other social networks. Then you’ll have both a nine-digit social security number and DNA number. Don’t we have enough numbers and passwords and other various codes to worry about? Wanna see my cheat sheet for all that stuff? (Of course I wouldn’t show it to you!)

Gattaca, a movie released in 1997, starring Ethan Hawke and Uma Thurman, tells of a future when everyone’s fate is determined by one’s genetic composition. If you’ve got what it takes then you’re valid; otherwise, you’re invalid. The “valids” get the good positions, while the “invalids” get the crap jobs. Are we headed toward such a future? DNA Dating would seem to indicate that we may be! (Code 46 is another movie dealing with genetic issues in the near future.)

I’m a science buff, but nothing will replace seeing one face-to-face and going on dates - as painful and awkward as that experience may be - because the social and economic factors involved in dating are just as important as any purported genetic predisposition. Here’s an idea: do some slow dancing with your partner and you’ll learn more about him or her than any genetic hocus pocus could possibly teach you. Nothing will replace the social experience of getting to know someone, via dating, telephone calls, text messaging or shouting over the fence.

Would we really want it any other way?

So don’t spend your money on DNA Dating. Instead, buy a box of flowers and send them to your inamorata. Although old-fashioned, this method is bound to lead to more amorous possibilities than swabbing the inside of your mouth and sending that genetic string to a bunch of strangers who will create another number for you that you’ll need like another email address.

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